UK Politics

Tax avoiding moneygrubbing bastards

I received a lovely text message today from my friend – well I say friend but we’re not actually that close – Rhodri Marsden. “I find your posts on HP intelligent and amusing”, he texted. “Everyone else is a twat”. I couldn’t possibly comment on this, and I’m certain that he doesn’t mean you, but this post isn’t intended to be either. I’m simply going to express my colossal, pitiless hate towards billionnaires who avoid tax, the grasping, evil shits that they are.

The Times reports today that Britain is now considered an “onshore tax haven” by billionnaires who despite being billionnaires are such grasping evil parasites that despite being billionnaires they refuse to pay tax on their colossal, gargantuan and unimaginably vast, obscene wealth, the ghastly foul scum that they are. According to Grant Thornton, last year the 54 UK billionaires paid income tax totalling just £14.7m on their £126 billion combined fortunes. Of this £14.7 million – about 9% of their income – £9 million was contributed by vacuum machine magnate James Dyson, who said “he continued to believe in paying tax here and “generating wealth” for Britain”.

Good for him. Loathesome unconscionable scum however includes bearded cock Richard Branson, who has “a complicated series of offshore trusts and companies that own his business empire”, meaning that “Branson, whose wealth is calculated at £3,065m, pays relatively little tax as his wealth is tied up in these companies”. Other repellent men include stunted and ugly Formula1 tycoon Bernie Ecclestone, who sold shares in his company to his wife, in order to avoid contributing towards the police and NHS. “You need to give people an incentive to make money”, said the greedy shortarse.

This is all fine, I suppose, so long as these cheating wankers know that should they get mugged or stabbed, then the police or the ambulance services will ignore their screams of agony, will refuse to investigate any crimes committed against them, and will treat them with the same contempt they view the rest of us. I wouldn’t want to advocate any sort of criminal activity, of course, but it does strike me as appropriate that one can kill two birds with one stone by stealing a CD by the tax-avoiding pretentious hectoring stadium bores U2, if one steals it from a Virgin Megastore.