Stateside

Wearing Disguises

An enterprising American T-shirt manufacturer has hit on a way of keeping people like these from having to constantly explain their opposition to recent US foreign policy when they’re on holiday elsewhere.

Apparantly un-nuanced foreigners have been showing hostility to representatives of the Great Satan abroad and giving them grief about Afghanistan and Iraq. If only the innocent vacationers could be allowed to explain that they only eat tofu that’s fallen from the trees and died a natural death then all people of good will could be friends.

Unfortunately their suspicious drawling accents get in the way of international harmony and the locals take ill against them.

FOR some Americans, to be mistaken for a Canadian is the ultimate humiliation, yet hundreds of US citizens travelling abroad have willingly acquired a disguise of a T-shirt with a Canadian flag.

“It was not meant as a slight against the US or Canada,” Bill Broadbent, president of T-shirtKing.com, said. “Some people might not mind, but others just want to be on vacation. So we were joking that they could just go as Canadians, and that just kind of evolved.”

For those who want to go the whole way and learn to speak Canadian the Times publishes a handy A-Z guide:

Allophone: someone whose first language is neither English nor French
Chesterfield: a sofa
Eh?: an utterance regularly injected into conversations which has the meaning “don’t you think?”
Elevator: lift
Homo milk: full fat (homogenised) milk
Housecoat: dressing gown
Keener: sycophant, an overly keen person
Lineup: queue
Loonie: one dollar coin, on which appears a
Loon: native Canadian bird
Pogey: unemployment benefit
Poutine: a dish typical to Quebec consisting of fries, cheese curds and gravy
Runners: trainers
Tap: the same as in British English, rather than the US faucet
The States: the USA
Toonie: two dollar coin
Tuque: knitted hat
Washroom: toilet
Zed: the final letter of the alphabet

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