Avast! Ye Scurvy Decent Dogs!


Oh look: Scary Pirates

This can only mean one  of two things: either HP has been boarded and claimed as a prize by an Adam Ant tribute band which specialises in covers of “Barbie Girl” or it is that time of the year when everybody pretends that they like Terry Wogan again.

 Yes tonight is the 53rd (or something) Eurovision song contest Unfortunately two of my favourite entries, Dustin the Irish Turkey (who very nearly re-ignited the civil war with Dana in the De Valera role) and Morena from Malta (a woman with a life-affirming lower body who sings about about vodka: something I have waited decades to see and hear ) have been eliminated at the semi-final stage. However here at HP we like to enlighten people on what various cultures around the world think about each other so just click on the video to marvel at how the Maltese perceive the Russians….

“And what about the UK’s chances?” I hear you breathlessly wonder.

 Well apparently the bookies have decided London bin-man Andy Abraham is the UK’s worst-ever entrant, with odds of 66-1 to win the competition. (Given that the song isn’t at all bad in a soulish sort of way) that probably means he will probably claim victory if he can fight off the twin Diva’s of Sweden and Ukraine and the 75 year old Croatian rapper.

 Meanwhile things are getting heated on the Guardian Blog where the ever more predictable Islington bruschetta-munchers call to scrap Eurovision has been greeted by several Johnny-foreigner type bounders suggesting that the UK no longer has any musical talent (send a gunboat I say, but watch out for pirates.)

We do have some musical talent left don’t we? (reassurance needed please.)

One thing is for sure – its going to be a cauldron of fearsome talent out there tonight with a whole lot of singed latex and hair extensions. All aspects of Eurovision and anything else that is anywhere nearly as vaguely ridiculous should be commented on below.