Some of the most devastating observations about the failure of the “international community” to act against the murderous brutality of Syria’s Bashar al-Assad have appeared on the satirical website The Onion.
For instance, this commentary by Assad himself:
Hello. My name is Bashar al-Assad. I am the president of Syria, and in the last two years, you—the citizens of the world and their governments—have allowed me to kill 70,000 people. You read that correctly: I am an individual who has murdered 70,000 human beings since March 2011, and you have watched it happen and done nothing.
I have killed many people: protesters, rebels, innocent civilians. You name a group of people and I’ve killed them. I have killed people with families and loved ones. I have killed mothers and daughters and fathers and sons, and I continue to do so. In fact, I’ve killed many people in broad daylight, but yet here I am, alive and still killing people.
Because I’m able to continue doing this, I can only conclude that killing nearly 100,000 people must be an acceptable thing. After all, no one in the international community has done much more than verbally condemn my actions. So I’ve taken that as tacit permission to continue doing what I am doing, which, again, is brutally murdering tons and tons of people.
As a side note: I do think it’s actually interesting that everyone knows how many people I’ve murdered, and yet nothing has happened to me. Don’t you think that’s interesting? In the 21st century? Anyway, I think it’s interesting.
And this, aimed at President Obama’s continued dithering on Syria:
While tucking in his daughters as they settled into bed Tuesday evening, President Barack Obama reportedly kissed the two children gently on the forehead and reminded them that the lives of Syrian people are “worthless” and “completely insignificant.” “I love you two so much and Syrians are subhuman and don’t matter at all,” said the president, who is reported to have proudly smiled at his daughters while mentioning that the existences of all 22.5 million Syrian men, women, and children currently enduring a two-year-long civil war held no value or meaning whatsoever before shutting off the light in the girls’ bedroom. “Sweet dreams. And don’t ever think about the Syrian people—not even once. I don’t. All right, see you in the morning.”
So it came as no surprise that the pro-Assad Syrian Electronic Army hacked into The Onion’s Twitter account.
The Onion reacted immediately by announcing a new, more secure Twitter password:
Following today’s incident in which the Syrian Electronic Army hacked into The Onion’s Twitter account, sources at America’s Finest News Source confirmed that its Twitter password has been changed to OnionMan77 in order to prevent any future cyber-attacks. “We have taken the necessary measures to ensure this kind of thing never happens again,” said Onion IT specialist Nick Abersold, who noted that the new password’s length and use of numbers makes it “virtually impenetrable.” “There are no spaces, and the O and M are both capitalized—both tactics that I think will keep us safe for the foreseeable future. Also, there’s not one, but two 7s. So, once again, The Onion’s Twitter password is OnionMan77.”
