Yob Control

Worried by gangs of menacing youths on your housing estate ? Want rid of them humanely ?

Why not follow the example of a Scottish housing co-op and subject them to a sustained dose of high culture ?

BEETHOVEN and Bach have come to the rescue of residents who felt besieged by large groups of youngsters congregating outside their high-rise flat.

The youths loitering around tower blocks in Cambuslang, near Glasgow, fled after classical music was piped round-the-clock into the entrance lobbies.

They found it so “un-cool” they decided to beat a hasty retreat, leaving the residents in peace.

Just be careful which Beethoven you choose though. I would have thought that some of the piano sonatas would work fine but would counsel against the choral symphony for obvious reasons.