All across the country the Socialist Workers Party are inviting people to attend ‘Marxist Forums’ to listen to their speakers.
Of course even the SWP have some sort of idea about marketing and know that advertising an event as ‘come and listen to fat bearded Trot read out memorised lines from Tony Cliff books’ isn’t going to pull the punters in.
So instead they offer the pretence of a debate.
I have never won the football pools and I have a pretty dreadful record at gambling (apparently I should have followed the racing tips in the Morning Star) but I reckon I can win on the SWP’s coupon:
BIRKENHEAD Can the left reclaim Labour? Harry’s Tip: Easy one for starters. No. Never. Ever. Leave them and join us.
BIRMINGHAM SMALL HEATH Are the Liberal Democrats an alternative to New Labour? Nope and we are sorry if we may have created that impression by inviting their leader to speak at our demos while we chanted ‘Blair out’.
BRADFORD GM: Frankenstein foods or feeding the world? Tough call. I’ll go for Frankenstein under capitalism but we don’t rule out technological advance for the benefit of the workers under socialism.
BURNLEY Do we need violence to change society? In Burnley we certainly do. I think I’ll go for yes, we will indeed need to respond to the violence of the capitalist state that will inevitably be unleashed during our revolution.
CAMBRIDGE Did Lenin lead to Stalin? Ah a trick question, must be one for the students. Chronologically yes, of course. But politically? No way. In no way did Lenin’s rigid centralist control or any of his other ideas have any influence on his fellow Bolshevik Stalin. Unthinkable.
LIVERPOOL CITY CENTRE Is crime on the increase? Any reason why you chose that topic for that particular venue comrades? No, crime is not on the increase it is all hype designed to sell papers and encourage a crackdown on our civil liberties. If there is any crime it is entirely the fault of the system.
NORTHAMPTON What would a socialist society look like? What not a yes or no answer? Look like? Never considered the physical appearance of a social and economic system but go on then…sunshine? pretty flowers? warm and cuddly? Fishing in the morning, writing poetry in the afternoon and shagging in the evening?
PRESTON Are women still oppressed in the 21st century? Now there is a reason they put this one at the bottom of the coupon – very canny. Ok, I reckon they’ll go for yes but the feminists are wrong and we are right. Its about class and nothing to do with blokes, especially not us lot. Mind you, did you see the arse on that bird from Workers Power at the demo last week?
And finally the tie-breaker
SHEFFIELD HEELEY Can the UN bring peace? I think we’ll need the pools panel on this one. A couple of years ago – no. If the match was played in January of this year then yes definately the UN could bring peace. But now? No way, they are poodles for US imperialism and no wonder they got their HQ blown up.