UK Politics

Situations Vacant

The Scotsman wades into the immigration debate


Invitation to Apply Notice

To: All Citizens of Poland and EU Accession countries

From: The Office of the First Minister, Scotland

• Excellent opportunities exist in Scotland for those in good health and with ball skills. Numerous vacancies have arisen in the national football team for (a) goal scorers (b) defenders and (c) midfield players. Applications are also invited for the post of team coach and manager.

• Similar opportunities exist in the national rugby team for (a) try scorers (b) defenders and (c) energy-charged go-go dancers and bagpipers who can keep opposing teams waiting on the pitch for indeterminate periods.